Monday, August 23, 2004

Manic Monday

Six o’clock already. I was just in the middle of a dream. I was kissing Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream. Well, it was Valentino, but it didn’t look like Valentino, y’know? I’m pretty sure it was actually the guy I interviewed with last week at Company Y, but in my dream I still knew it was Valentino. Anyway, we kissed. Weird, huh?

Ahhh… Monday. The dawn of a new day. Last week’s slate wiped perfectly clean. A fresh start. All is forgiven, most is forgotten. As I sat at my desk yesterday, trying to think of what to write this week, I was suddenly struck by a most brilliant idea, if I do say so myself. What this blog needs more than anything is a theme week! Something to give both direction and continuity to the next five entries. Given my current state of joblessness, it’s hard for me to come up with a theme that doesn’t at least somehow tie to my endless job search. And being the spiritual person that I am, I decided that my theme will revolve around the one thing I believe will truly help me to secure my dream job – karaoke.

Now, recognizing that not even a writer as skilled and clever as Erma Bombeck could craft five interesting entries about karaoke, I instead decided that this week’s entries will be inspired by karaoke. Each post will be related to a karaoke song that has particularly moved my audience. Sometimes to laughter. Sometimes to tears. Always to applause.

I’m certain that the collective power of five straight days of karaoke-inspired scriptures will move the job gods and goddesses to bestow upon me the perfect job offer. And perhaps a golden fleece. Which I will promptly pawn to pay for my September rent.

But now to this blog. Manic Monday. Why manic? I’ll tell you why. Last week was particularly trying in the employment arena. Try to stay with me: the job in Department A at Company Y fell through, although a new company, Company Z, has now entered the picture. Department B at Company Y might have a new position, but I would still need to interview ASAP with the VP of HR and the SVP’s of both Departments A and B at Company Y. I am anticipating a job offer from Company X, but I really want the job at either Company Y or Company Z far more than at Company X. So, if Company X makes me the offer this week, I have to stall them long enough to finish my second interviews with Company Y and Company Z, all the while being careful not to turn off Company X in case that ends up being my only option.

U C Y I’m stressed?

In the event that Company X makes me the job offer before I’ve heard back from Company Y and Company Z, I’ve devised an elaborate three-pronged approach to stalling them. I call it: Operation Tangled Web of Lies and Deceit. Or alternately: Operation This Could Potentially Backfire and Leave Jenny with No Job Offers At All.

The plan is far too complicated and top-secret for me to reveal in this forum, but if it works, I will most certainly patent it and sell it to for a hefty fee. Then I will buy back my golden fleece and parade it around town to all the companies who snubbed me. In your face, Recruiter Man! Oh no you di’int! Oh no you di’int say my experience was not relevant enough! Who’s wearing the fleece now, sucka?!

Well, now that I’ve brought you all up to speed, I really must go. I have a multitude of things to accomplish today in preparation for this exciting and unprecedented theme week. And in a matter of hours, I will be launching Stage One of Operation TWOLAD. I can feel it, friends. This is the week. Something really good is going to happen to me this week. Or maybe something really bad. But for sure, something is going to happen to me this week. And it will be really something. Mark my words.

In closing, I’d like to just say that these are the days when you wish your bed was already made. Yup, it’s just another manic Monday.